For some, the journey to conception can a long tough road, both physically and mentally. In case you don’t know, the conceiving an IVF baby really is a miracle, but doesn’t come without a price (literally).

It’s expensive, it’s invasive, it requires a lots of appointments that interfere with the 9-5 work day, and is an issue so close to the heart, it can’t help but impact on every aspect of your life.

It also comes with awkward moments with friends, family and stranger who genuinely want to be supportive, but are aren’t entirely sure how to respond to a fourth round IVF failure.

I just read an article by a lady called Miranda (a fertility and life coach) who has just conceived after 10  years trying and 7 rounds of IVF. I could’t help but fill with joy for her! And silently fist bump her in my head. #yougotthis

Her article 6 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Struggling With Fertility originally published on Womens Health Australia, is so important! And offers up very practical ways we can support family and friends in this situation, while keeping our feet out of our mouths.

Here’s a teaser of what NOT to say:

1. “At least you have…”

“one child already, your health, the opportunity to sleep in every weekend, a beautiful house, lots of disposable income, international holidays, your toned figure still.”

“Whilst I am a great believer in the power of perspective and gratitude, this has to be on our terms”, Miranda says. “You telling us what we should be grateful for can intensify pain, even if we are in fact already feeling grateful on some level for said things. We need to be allowed the space to mourn the things that are making us sad and not feel guilty or selfish for it. The time will come when we will be in the right space to gain/maintain perspective on the other stuff.”

2. “It’s OK, it will happen when it’s meant to. I just KNOW you’re going to be a Mum/Dad.”

Miranda says “You can’t be sure that your claim of us falling pregnant ‘when it’s meant to’ and said guarantee of us becoming parents, will come true. Whilst we know you mean well and your words are intended to comfort us, dismissing that uncertainty so freely, doesn’t help. As much as we’re sure your intention comes from a good place, at the time it feels like you are completely invalidating our feelings, and that hurts.”

Miranda suggest you could Instead say: “I can’t imagine what you have been going through. I know it’s really personal so I won’t pry, but I want you to know that I’m here if you ever need to talk”.

Please, read Mirandas full article here. Or follow Back to Plan A (a friend of BebeBola) on Instagram for a real life and right now insight into the IVF journey.

BBx